Time to move on

Well, I am done. I normally do not do blogs like this because I feel exposed, but I just feel like I need to get it out there somewhere. It has been a little over four years since Greg and I have been married. We really wanted a honey-moon baby, and have been trying to get pregnant ever since then. As you can see, we've had no luck. This year has been so hard. I just started going back to the doctor again in October. This is the second time that I have been to a doctor, and he is a million times better than my first doctor. However, it now feels real. The pills are a daily reminder of the fact that we do not have any children. It is everywhere I look. My sister, sister-in-law, my two best friends, two other friends, and three of Greg's friends are either pregnant or just had a baby. The thing is that I am happy for them. It makes me happy that they don't have to feel this way. The hard part is that it reminds me that we won't have babies of our own. It also makes me feel forgotten, and the hole in my heart feels even more empty. I have grown increasingly more bitter and mad at the world everyday. I have just wanted everyone to leave me alone, and let me fade into the distance.

Anyway, I am done. I heard someone say "Heavenly Father wants us to be strong" in testimony meeting one week. It is so true. I think about that everyday. It is time to move on with my life, accept things as they are, and be grateful for them. I have the most amazing husband in the world. He calls me everyday and tells me how much he loves me. We have a house that we love, kitties to cuddle, cars to drive, school, a job, an amazing family, and great friends. What more do I need? I have made a list of things that I want to do for me or my family (aka Greg and I). So anyway, I have changed my visions of the future from making cookies with my kids to dreams of Greg and I traveling and growing old together. It's time to stop the whining! haha, anyway, there it is...
p.s. I do not want to hear anything about adoption unless anyone has $16,000 that they would be willing to give us. I always thought that adoption would be a great choice down the road, but after attending an adoption conference, I'm not sure if I could handle certain aspects of adoption. Right now I'm just focusing on learning to be happy here and now. Thanks and I love you all!!